A sales page lies at the end of the conversion path.
When a prospect arrives on that page, it’s the result of a lot of planning and hard work.
So the next part really sucks.
Because most of those visitors will leave the page without buying anything.
Fortunately — a small silver lining — there are ways to reduce the number of leavers. Some of those people leave as a result of totally avoidable mistakes we’ve made when writing the sales page.
Let’s go through five of these mistakes, one by one, and figure out how to correct them.
Conversion Killer #1: You write to the wrong person
Sometimes this means you’re writing to totally the wrong person.
For example, if you’re selling a family car, you might assume you should be writing to “dad.” But you’re not taking into consideration a recent study that shows 82 percent of moms have the final say in which car they finally buy.
So if you’re writing just to dad, you’re making a big mistake.
The same can happen in B2B. You think you’re selling to person A, but it’s person B who has the final say. Or maybe the decision goes to committee.
The point being, you can’t write a good sales page if you’re writing it to the wrong person.
How to fix it
The cure is to do your research before you start writing, or have someone do it for you.
Make sure you know who you’re writing to. And then do a ton more research until you feel you really know that person.
Conversion Killer #2: You ask the wrong question before you start
As a young copywriter, I used to focus most of my attention on how I was going to craft my message.
Hey, I was an enthusiastic young thing, anxious to show off how well I could write! I wanted to write amazing, clever headlines and copy.
After a few years I finally figured out I was starting in the wrong place.
How I wrote the copy wouldn’t help if I hadn’t first figured out what to say.
You can’t write the wrong message well! (Actually, you can. But it won’t do you any good.)
How to fix it
Finally, I figured out that asking, “What should I say?” was a much better starting point than, “How should I say it?”
Then, decades later — because I’m a slow learner — I finally figured out an even better question.
“What does my prospect want to hear?”
That’s really the only question you need to ask. And it circles back to Conversion Killer #1. Because you have no hope of knowing what your prospect wants to hear unless you first have a deep understanding of who they are.
Once you focus on what your prospect wants to hear, your task as a copywriter becomes embarrassingly simple.
Conversion Killer #3: You list too many benefits
As a junior copywriter, you quickly learned it’s better to talk about a product’s benefits than its features.
- Don’t tell me your fitness tracker has three programmable buttons.
- Tell me how it can help me lose weight and feel better about myself when I look in the mirror. (That’s what I want to hear.)
But … there’s a caveat here.
Sometimes I’ll read copy that has an overly long list of benefits.
They’re all good benefits, but the list is just way too long.
Two things happen when the list is too long.
- It loses its punch. It becomes a bore to read. Lists are boring by nature. They just can’t help it.
- Your product begins to sound like everyone else’s.
Find sales pages for five fitness trackers that list benefits and you’ll likely find they have very similar lists.
In other words, they’re all trying to cover all the bases, and they all sound pretty much the same.
How to fix it
Think about focusing on just one of those benefits.
Build the whole sales message around that one thing.
Now you have a page that no longer includes a boring list. And it also stands out from the competition.
One benefit. One message. A single focus.
Conversion Killer #4: You fade out before you’re done
This is my weakness.
I’m generally good with headlines.
I write a strong opening and keep the pace going through the middle part of my sales copy.
And then … toward the end … I tend to fade away a little.
Which is absolutely nuts. Makes no sense at all.
But I know I tend to do this. So I deliberately check my closing lines on any page before I hit “publish” or send the draft to a client.
I’m not alone, of course.
Plenty of other copywriters have the same weakness. A strong opening and middle, with a weak ending.
And there’s nothing more ridiculous than losing focus, pace, and urgency at the point where it matters most … when you’re trying to close the sale.
How to fix it
Check your own copywriting and see if this is a weakness you share.
If it is, make a note to always review the last few lines of every sales page you write.
It should feel like you’ve grabbed your prospect by the hand and are running across the finish line with her.
Conversion Killer #5: You sound like a salesperson
When we come across sales language that sounds pushy, our defenses go up. We become suspicious.
That is why I advocate for a more conversational approach to copywriting.
Write persuasively, by all means.
But being persuasive isn’t the same as being pushy.
How to fix it
I can be really persuasive when selling my daughter on the value of doing her homework. But I do it without being pushy or manipulative.
I do the same as a copywriter.
I use language I would feel comfortable using to persuade family and friends. And I show my readers the same respect I would show family and friends.
While pushy sales language puts people off and makes them feel defensive, conversational language is disarming and makes them feel safe.
Wrapping it up …
Maybe one or two of these conversion killers make you pause and think, “OMG, I do that all the time!”
If so, don’t worry about it. I make most of these mistakes at least some of the time.
But I catch them when I review my first draft.
You can do the same.
Don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes.
Just correct them before you click the “send” or “publish” button.
Reader Comments (25)
Sheila Koester says
I wonder where the inspiration for the fitness tracker example mentioned here came from? I saw a display of Fitbit Alta fitness trackers in JC Penny’s on Saturday.
In my opinion, I think you can re-write this sentence using a better word with the same meaning. “So the next part really sucks.” This sounds like something a high school kid would say.
Instead you might try something along these lines…
“You don’t want to write terrible copy that turns visitors off. You don’t want them to leave your sales page without buying something.”
Stefanie Flaxman says
We like to keep a relaxed tone around here, so it’s fun to have Nick’s conversational voice on the blog.
But that’s definitely a clear alternative, Sheila! It’s great to see how you’d phrase something for your audience. 🙂
Kelley Gardiner says
Your first point especially is ringing true for me—we often ask clients to think about who their customer is, but it might be worth it to probe their assumptions of who their customer is.
Nick Usborne says
I agree. Unless I know the client really well, I always probe on this point. Just to be sure. Like I said, if you’re writing to the wrong person, it doesn’t matter how well you write! : )
Ryan Biddulph says
Yikes Nick on #3! Benefits overload LOL. I recall listing so many benefits for 1 eBook I could have packaged and outdid War and Peace. Then I spoke to one person with a few bullet points, and the bought based on a few benefits. If you hyper target, speaking to an intrigued person, no need to go overboard on explaining why they should want it. Because they already want it.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Ryan
Nick Usborne says
Glad you liked #3. It’s something most people don’t think about. People get too hung up on the idea that more is always better. But it isn’t.
Cecelia Pineda says
Hi Nick, It’s #2 that sticks out for me. I read a lot about people saying they do this but I seldom receive anything beyond a very superficial generalization that tells me what I want to hear (dare I say “need” to hear before I convert to becoming a buyer?).
I find that my inbox is full of a lot of slick tricks that are supposed to make me believe the seller is interested in providing me with a good product, but clearly just wants to sell me (and everyone) what he’s selling.
I guess that none of us will ever appeal to all of our readers directly, but does “Yo baby” really appeal to a very large audience and reassure members of that audience that this is a knowledgeable seller? 🙂 As conversational as that may be in some circles … I guess it could for certain products …
Nick Usborne says
I hear you. To my mind being a “pretend buddy” and overly familiar is just a lazy approach for copywriters who don’t do the work to figure out who they are actually writing to, and knowing what they should be saying to appeal to that person.
John Makohen says
Nick Point #3 Benefit overkill, so helpful, great point as always so timely, too. : ) I was experiencing this the other day writing a landing page for myself, which I find more difficult than for clients. I wish I found this article while I was beating my head against the wall. Cutting, pasting and dumping benefits in a file from the page thinking what’s wrong with this page. It looked like a tangled mass of content. Too much verbiage. I stepped away for a minute, but now I’m armed with new insight. Thanks.
Nick Usborne says
Glad to hear #3 is helping. : ) I know it’s counter-intuitive… the idea that it would be better to list few benefits. But what it does is increase clarity, and it allows you to differentiate yourself more clearly.
John Makohen says
It worked for me. The landing page is less clutter and flows. And all the extra benefits opened up the opportunity write more highly focused landing pages :)- Great tip.
Michael LaRocca, Business Editor says
All five tips are excellent, but #4 is my go-to when I self-edit. I know which mistakes I’m likely to make, and make a special effort to spot them. In fact, for each of my clients, I’ve got a list of their most common mistakes, so I can make a special effort to spot them. What I love is watching those clients learn to stop making those mistakes. As for my own mistakes, well…
Nick Usborne says
I hear you. Like I mentioned, #4 is a weakness of my own. And yes, after all these years, I STILL have to go back and make sure I’m not fading out towards the end of my copy. : )
Jaya Pant says
Thanks for sharing this information. #5 happens to many of us but you have given the ideas to solve these too. Nice post!
Nick Usborne says
Thanks! Glad you found the post helpful. : )
Rafal Reyzer says
Thanks for this insightful article. Getting the balance right on a landing page is never an easy task. The most important thing is to “enter the conversation that’s already going on in your potential customer’s mind” (that’s from Dan Kennedy). If you can get this part right, and then hook the person with the right key benefit, you’re on your way to success as a copywriter.
Nick Usborne says
Excellent advice to follow. : ) Pretty much forces you to understand your reader and anticipate what she wants.
Brian Appleton says
Hey Nick,
You have some really great advice here, thanks!
I share many of these weaknesses, but I think the two parts that resonated with me the more are (1) always review the last few lines of copy, and (2) use language that you would use to persuade family and friends.
Thanks again, I really enjoyed this.
Nick Usborne says
Glad you found it useful. And yes, as a copywriter it makes sense to learn to recognize one’s weaknesses and then address them before clicking that send button!
Gregory Brine says
You make a lot of good points there. We’re working on new copy for our SAAS Marketing platform, Metigy, and it’s tempting to drown a page in benefits and features and blah… blah… blah…
Whereas the customer really wants to know how you will make their life and/or their work easier and better. And that’s not easy to do.
We’ve been using Google Optimize to play with our messaging. And we definitely found certain language converts way better and/or results in lower drop-offs. Such a science. Looking at our competitors, it seems they have the same problem still.
Great blog btw!
Nick Usborne says
If it’s clear and engaging language you want – and forgive me a moment of self-promotion – click on my name and enjoy. Simple, transparent and engaging are what I’m all about. : )
Taka says
I like #3 where you said, “It loses its punch. It becomes a bore to read.”
I think it’s important not to overstate even if every benefit is true. It’s like you use an exclamation mark in every sentence and it loses the effect.
As for #5, I once received an email newsletter for the blog I subscribed to and the subject line read, “Warning: ….” I forgot what it said after Warning, but wow, it gets your attention. It was about the sale ending in a few hours, something like that, but my first instinct was, “Did I do anything I wasn’t supposed to?” That’s not the message you want to send out to thousands of people, is it?
Nick Usborne says
Great point about how listing too many benefits is akin to using too many exclamation points. Nicely put!
And yes, tricks like using the word Warning may get someone’s attention, what at what cost to your brand and reputation?
Nicole Marie Hunt says
Great piece! I’d add that regardless of how well the sales page is written, it will fall on deaf ears if it doesn’t match the rest of the sales funnel and the reader’s expectations. I’ve worked with clients who use the sales funnel leading up to the sales page to attract a big, diverse audience and then wonder why their conversions fall flat. Make sure the writing, language, tone, branding, etc. are all consistent along the way. The yellow brick road was very successful at leading Dorothy to Oz, but a fraud was waiting at the end. Don’t be that guy (or gal).
Nick Usborne says
Totally agree! I’m actually working on a project now where we have a mismatch between the landing page and the visitors arriving there. In this case, I think the page is fine, but we haven’t figured out how to get the right people to see it. So the mismatch can work either way. But like you say… no match and no cigar!
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